Some videos are created for a parent audience and some can we watched together with your children.
You are brave and strong. One day, you will look back and see that you got through, one step at a time- facing hard things together as a family and as a community.
Support for families in the aftermath of the Bondi attack Join us in this series as we explore big feelings, practical coping strategies, and move through this murky stage together.
I'll let you in on a secret. I was able to make that introductory video because of my fluffy cushion. I was having a hard time getting started. You'll find similar items all over my home, and car, and handbag. Because they really help. Squish something, pull something, punch something, snuggle something, scratch something. It keeps you grounded.
Let’s talk about Pretending. You might feel like you are pretending to function, that it isn’t the real part of you, that the real part of you feels shattered in a million pieces. Both parts of you are real and both parts can exist together. It isn’t pretending- it is living. You may need to separate parts of you in order to function- but you are functioning. Your body knows what it needs to do to get your family through each day. You are doing it. You are brave and strong and are getting through very hard things.
Feelings are Energy. Use the Energy. Last night I felt this surge of energy for the first time in three and a half weeks. I felt as though I could smash all the plates in my home, I felt angry energy and I needed to channel it. I paused and called a friend- telling them what I was feeling. I needed to scream at the beach, or go for a run or move my body in some way to get my heart rate up and sweat it out. All of that energy came from huge, very uncomfortable feelings. So I went to the gym, and I put on my angry music and I ran and cried and sweated it out. Don't ignore that energy when you feel it come- honour it by acknowledging it and giving it an avenue for expression.
Go slow. Your body is remembering that on Sunday one month ago you changed. Your sense of safety was compromised. If you are feeling broken, or anxious, or despondent, or antsy, or agitated – so are the rest of us! If you want to remember the day and talk about it, and retrace your steps- do it! If you want to go for dinner with your family and a swim- do it! Go slow today. Give yourself a huge hug. You are somehow getting through each day- today will be the same.
It can be very difficult to see any good in the big picture. The world somehow continues around us. Flowers bloom and the sun shines. People are going for runs and swims and walking their dogs, your child wakes up needing someone to help them with breakfast, or to give them a cuddle. Can you notice any good in the ‘little’ things? Did anyone say thank you today? Did your bus come on time? Did you narrowly miss stepping in doggy doo on your walk? Did your child smile or share a silly joke? Are there ‘little’ things, moments of kindness, or moments of connection that you can notice in your day? Are there ‘little’ things, little moments of connection that you can offer today?
Notice them, when we link one to the next you may look back and see that it was the ‘little’ things that got you through.
I have been having a lot of conversations with people in Sydney and out of Sydney, and in almost every conversation the notion of “feeling guilty for feeling my feelings” or as I like to call it- the hierarchy of feelings- who should be allowed to feel what, has come up. Comments like “it wasn’t so bad”, “others had it worse” might be a way to ease into the deep pain you are actually experiencing, and could be because you don’t feel that it is accepted by society for you to be feeling so bad. But it takes energy to fight the feelings, to push back and say “I should be able to function right now”. Rather direct your energy to not functioning 100%, getting to know this version of yourself and to feel the feelings that you are actually feeling.
How are we able to remain strong for those who we love the most during a crisis? By knowing which way to lean. In the 'concentric circles of support,' the person at the centre is the one most impacted. They should feel safe to crumble and fall apart with those closest to them whose job it is to catch them. But to have the strength to catch them, we must lean outward to our own support systems. We provide comfort to those closer to the crisis than us, and we seek support from those further away. By leaning out, we find the stability to stand strong for those in the centre.
For example, when I went to Sydney to support my best friend and her family, I could only be fully present for them because I leaned on my own outer circle. My community bound together to organise meals, playdates, and shopping for my family back home. Their support was the 'outer ring' that gave me the strength to stand firmly in the inner ring for my friend."
When something scary happens, our bodies take over. Our senses sharpen, our attention narrows, and we’re pulled fully into the moment, because that’s how we’re wired to survive. But sometimes our body reacts when there isn’t an immediate threat. We don’t get to decide when or how those strong reactions show up. Our body knows what to do as our chest tightens, our minds race, we become edgy and hypervigilant. This is not weakness, it’s our negativity bias, our brain and nervous system locking onto threat because they believe that’s how we stay safe. It is a full body experience, whether we like it or not- all of our attention is grabbed.
But what about the pleasant moments? We daydream through them, multitask and then they pass. Our brains aren’t wired to hyperfocus on them. I want to suggest that we savour those moments, with as much gusto as we do for the less pleasant experiences- intentionally use your senses to slow down the moment- what does the laughter sound like, what does their hand in yours feel like? What can you smell in your child’s sweaty hair, or what does it feel like to be cuddled tightly? Stay with it for a few extra seconds. Make the moments linger, savour them!
After everything our community has been through, many parents are asking: How do we create stability when life feels anything but stable? This video is about simple routines - not to be perfect, but to give both parents and children a sense of predictability which creates a feeling of safety. Find three things to do each day that make you feel like a functioning human. Let it be one thing for YOU, one point of connection and one thing in nature. Have a cup of tea without scrolling, step outside into the sunshine, have a shower, read your child a book, check in with a friend, respond to one message. Ask your children what they would include as their daily/weekly routine. Choose just three daily and three weekly anchors that feel doable. Small actions done consistently can help calm our nervous systems and remind us: we are still here, and we are still capable. Miss a day? That’s okay. Tomorrow is a new day.
